06.20.2010

Before the clock struck 12, ending Father’s Day
The child I, cried another tear at the left corner of the 19

Not because I have not congratulated my Father
Nor for the phone call from my Mother,
Asking if either of them have treated me well as parents

But for why all the reasons I had were caught in my throat

Not bringing them forth fearing to go insane
For Me, being an incompetent daughter
Never giving enough, without drive or passion
It was I that always wanted too little
Stubborn without compromise

Asking if you were good parents, no doubt my answer was ‘No’ with the phone cut
Not because you never loved me
Love from both sides were always present, maybe one sided
From everyone’s own point
Always misinterpreted, always at the wrong of times

Listing not from my childhood but in recent years
Where were either of you;
At my grad, be it Post Secondary or High
The time my foot was broken, yet no one believed me
For a full month was spent limping in another country
The ones refusing me of a mobile, yet constantly calling

Even till recent, the week before my trip alone to Japan
The weeks after my trip
The months of solitude in this grand house
Weeks with nothing but Vita in my fridge
The day where all I had was Ice Breakers

The day of my Class 5
Last night which was spent at the hospital
Right now, where there is glass still stuck in my foot
The times when my heart would skip a beat

Maybe it’s just my way of seeing it
All the missed chances and opportunities
Should be blamed on no other
But Me

Departing at my stop
Accompanied by stranger’s worried gaze
As my thoughts start to become clear,
I want to say one last thing

I’m sorry
For what I am, but not who
That as you’re daughter I’m not worthy

Happy Father’s Day.