Not because I have not congratulated my Father
Nor for the phone call from my Mother,
Asking if either of them have treated me well as parents

But for why all the reasons I had were caught in my throat

Not bringing them forth fearing to go insane
For Me, being an incompetent daughter
Never giving enough, without drive or passion
It was I that always wanted too little
Stubborn without compromise

Asking if you were good parents, no doubt my answer was ‘No’ with the phone cut
Not because you never loved me
Love from both sides were always present, maybe one sided
From everyone’s own point
Always misinterpreted, always at the wrong of times

Listing not from my childhood but in recent years
Where were either of you;
At my grad, be it Post Secondary or High
The time my foot was broken, yet no one believed me
For a full month was spent limping in another country
The ones refusing me of a mobile, yet constantly calling

Even till recent, the week before my trip alone to Japan
The weeks after my trip
The months of solitude in this grand house
Weeks with nothing but Vita in my fridge
The day where all I had was Ice Breakers

The day of my Class 5
Last night which was spent at the hospital
Right now, where there is glass still stuck in my foot
The times when my heart would skip a beat

Maybe it’s just my way of seeing it
All the missed chances and opportunities
Should be blamed on no other
But Me

Departing at my stop
Accompanied by stranger’s worried gaze
As my thoughts start to become clear,
I want to say one last thing

I’m sorry
For what I am, but not who
That as you’re daughter I’m not worthy

Happy Father’s Day.

Intertwined, I thought it was there to guide and lead me away
From darkness and sorrow
Tied with crimson thread
It leads me down, down an unfamiliar road

No matter how many times I push you away
No matter how much I wanted to run, escape the string
I could not, I can not escape your arms
Your embrace

Even if I hated you, wanting to forget
I could always feel your warmth that overwhelmed me
Heartbeats and whispers
The way you repeated words, words that I never wanted to hear

For a brief moment, my heart skipped a beat at the sound of your voice
As if magic, the sweet words consumed me;

“I will never let you go, never, ever..”

Words, like a dull weapon that struck my heart,
I bled silently
My strength fading away
At the moment I knew I could not leave you
I had to accept your warmth, your embrace

Because I love you so much, I shall continue down this road
This unfamiliar road with you

I hate to be where you are not,
When you’re not
Yet you’re always going

Why is love only intensified when absent?
New seeds of dreams will be sown
In hopes that a new love can grow

Goodbyes makes you think
They make you realized what you’ve had when lost
Things that have been taken granted

Ignoring the time determined
Even if everything was reset

Forgotten all
Everything we’ve been through
My feelings, even you
I would fall in love with you knowing our outcome

Will you join me once again,
Only remembering our promise

Let’s come back together

Sorrowfully waltzing by
You will never know,
Because it shall never be said

As I hold you dear with secrets unrevealed
You hold me as a friend
That, I will accept without regret

Just so I can be near

Seeing your smile, the back and foreground blends into one
Lights dim and brighten as everything turns to blur with each spin
As I fall into your frail arms, I whisper to you my last emotion

A tear slides from your eyes, down my cheek
Before all sense become numb,
I swore you said what I have felt

However, that can never be proven
As I selfishly left you holding my shell
You wept in dispare of my departure

With notes repeating of static from the radio keeping me entertained
I lie;
Curled, side, face down and flat
Either way, my eyes would not close with ease

Blankets on top, under, beside
Caught awkwardly between my arms, as if hugging
Surrounding tightly, as if being held
Clung closely between my thighs for support
I am still awake, staring

My stomach growls
Exerting energy, trying to sleep
Turning to my clock,
I count down the minutes till sunrise

Up for 18 hours straight, the long hand reaches the 19th
Unable to rest, with rings under my eyes
I reach up to grab the morning air
Preparing myself for today, overlooking my uneventful try
Hoping next night for tonight’s sleep

Without my notice, this day that has come and gone
Has lost its shine
No longer held an important stand
No longer cheerful or festive
Another day to show how shallow love is
By showering one another with gifts and lines by Hallmark

Lights flicker on every block in the descended clouds
Ignoring them
I cross the streets as I do
Any other day

Piercing through grays it sees only sorrow and solitude
The depression is most beautiful
Such a captivating azure,

I want to protect it
Hold it close
For longer than my fingers can count

May I forever be imprisoned by the stern glare
Even if I’m being selfish,
I want you to only look at me

Though we have both moved on,
I still feel you watching over me as if the string was never severed
That, you already know

Being held by him, I wanted to be engulfed by your lips
Embraced by his love,
Your tender hands on my skin was all that ran through my mind

Though all three are still together,
The image of us holding hands are still vivid
Your eyes, gaze, figure, heart. None have changed, I can see

Yet it was you that brought us two together,
For my own good, that’s what you thought
But I’m with him, thinking of you

I’ve held my breath each time you look over
With eyes never changing
Fearing he would notice

I wished for your dismay for causing me so much pain
Stuck between the two, I am unable to be true
If only you can see through, then take me away

For brief moments, my heart skips a beat by the sound of your words
I know this is selfishness, but look only at me
If you can see through, then take me away

Taking my ride to the last stop
Accompanied by ‘Slow Dancing In A Burning Room’

Traffic gets caught by the tears that are pouring
Pounding against my left window,
I lean against to listen to the melody

Through the thin, translucent layer
It escapes, landing down my cheek

Relating to the sour notes of the guitar
Such soft ballads suits Mayer’s ruddy voice
If only contrasts and opposites work so well in reality

Words start bouncing in my head, slipping through glimpses of past failures
That which is to come tomorrow is unknown
I pray thee I would be able to see the cloud part

Knowing I have not much longer
My heart clenched, reminding me my time

The bus yields to a stop as it reaches the destination
Is this where I should take part too?
Is this where my journey ends before it has begun?

As passengers leave through the automatic side doors
I stay seated, emotionless like a stone

In the last row’s left corner
I stayed as tears continued to splatter
Awaiting for the driver’s return to bring me to where I came

Back to my starting point

Gazing upon the beauty of its slender crescent
The man felt despair, knowing it can never be reached
Through a pool of tears,
The Moon sways in the ripples

Reflecting through sympathy for the man and his foolish dreams
A wish that can never come true

With a slightest touch, the Moon disperses
Only left to continue to cry, the man awaits the return
Of an intangible beauty

A parading line of black marched along a familiar road
Suits and ties to the right,
Dresses and lace on the left
Each held a lily, and paid their respect
As if the skies has taken all their pain
No one shed a tear

The rainy season brings forth a nostalgic smell,
As ripples form once more
A smell I do not want to recall
If wishing is not enough, what more must be done
Just a little bit more time, allowing to regain what was taken
Something was missed, yet only a blank is drawn

Leftover is a smile
Promises that binds us each
On frozen time, each year this day
It shall rain; that is written
The group will continue to gather until world’s end
That night, the sky continued to cry for the lost